It's already November, which means it's nearly Summer. It also means it's nearly Christmas. Gone are the days when Christmas - even as close as Dec 21 - just seemed so far away. It just isn't fair; why isn't Christmas tomorrow? School's out and the prospect of six weeks holiday just wasn't enough. It had to be Christmas NOW, dammit! Four days just wouldn't do.
There are fewer things that tell you you're getting old than the dread that Christmas is just around the corner. I've never been humbuggy about Christmas until the last few years. And no, it's not just because I'm getting older; it's the fact that the damn stores already have their decorations up. They put them up in October for fuck's sake! Yes, I know it's the same all over the Western world but it just kills me. I understand it - one must spend after all. But October? Does anyone really buy anything for Christmas before December? Well, I have bought Lady Hem's Christmas presents already but that's a first for me. I'm usually a December 24th kind of guy. Of course, I haven't bought anything for anyone else yet.....
But surely October can be sacrificed? By the time December comes around, most of us have had it to the back teeth with Christmas. It's finally here and I'm burnt out already. Fuck you advertising man. Go to the Bahamas and leave me the fuck alone.
Other tips that tell you you're getting older? Mentioning whenever possible about how fast the years are going; not understanding why young people just have to drive so damn fast; using the word 'damn' instead of 'fuck' and, finally; realising that the commercial station you're forced to listen to at work isn't all that bad, then realising that the music they're playing you actually grew up with and you're finally in that old person demographic you've been bagging for the past twenty years.
Happy pension day, son.