Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The GREAT Jessica Alba

I work in a female dominated workplace so, as a bit of a consequence, most of our magazines are female dominated themes. You've got your Grazia's, your Who Weekly, your Famous and even a bit of OK for the overseas reminiscences.

I happened to sit down and read one of these (purely for research purposes), mainly because it had Jessica Alba on the cover and she's all sorts of hot. As I was scrolling through the interview, I came upon a sentence that I'd read before. A sentence that always seems to relate to hot women, who are also 'actresses.'


It seems that Jessica Alba's star is shining ever brighter, because she featured in the recent 'Little Fockers.' The pointless sequel to the ever more pointless 'Fockers' franchise.


Apparently, Jessica Alba can now hold her head up high because she's in a real, successful movie. For her acting skills. I'll just say that again: her ACTING skills. Not because she's ridiculously hot and they need someone ridiculously hot to play the ridiculously hot sister (or whomever she played); it's because she's a great Thespian.


I used to read Playboy back in the day. Back when I was whacking off so much I could clearly have rivalled many Olympians in the dedication I showed. And I remember reading something similar about one of the girls featured in the magazine. I was one of the Baywatch girls; I can't remember her name. She had blond hair and black eyebrows and wasn't Pamela Anderson. She was hot though.


Anyway, she featured in the movie of the Beverly Hillbillies and they took great pains to say that her acting career was really taking off. Because she was a great ACTOR. Not because she was hot and they needed someone hot. She was the Meryl Streep of Beverly Hillbillies.


Now, you might be thinking that this all comes off a bit misogynistic and you'd be damn right. But tell me, do you really think someone like Jessica Alba gets picked to play any role because of her acting chops? I've seen her in many things and, I have to say, that woman can't act worth a damn. But God Damn she looks good in tight clothes.

The point is, stop trying to be all righteous about it. If someone is hot and they're famous, rich and popular for being hot, accept it. Don't try to make it out into something that it's not. Jessica Alba gets work because they need someone who looks good in not much. Until she's winning rave reviews for her work in an Ibsen play on Broadway, don't try to tell me she's any more than bone candy.

5 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

She may be a mediocre actress, but anyone who's seen a porn movie knows that acting can be a lot worse than mediocre. Her looks are important, but I doubt many women who are equally attractive could act as well as her.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I'm not entirely certain I agree with you. Not that I'm an Alba fan. I'm not. I don't even think she's that hot. I think she has a funny face. But Hollywood is choked to the gills with pretty faces. That place grinds them out year after year after year. To attain the type of success she enjoys take a bit more than just looks. Methinks.

*uncorked said...

Have I mentioned that I love you, Tenny? I mean ... have I???

Because I do.

This was great. I also think she is hot. And a mediocre actress. But what I can't for the life of me figure out is how the hell her skin is just this perfect gold color? It's just not fair. She shimmers. If you're that hot and you shimmer, it's not fair that you can act too. Just sayin'. You should have to trade something in. And for her. It's probably any chance of ever getting an Oscar.

tennysoneehemingway said...

GB: you're kidding right? You're comparing her acting with porn? Anyone who can convincingly portray enjoyment out of something that you just know they can't possibly be enjoying at that moment gets my vote over the egregiously awful Jessica Alba every time.

UB: I'd like to agree with you but I'm yet to see any evidence. Perhaps she's just easy to get along with.

Bruce Coltin said...

Hedda Gabler? NO! NO! NO!