I've just gotten rid of the short description of this blog, because I've come to realise that it's a load of shit. I'm not actually sure what thoughts I've had, or am having, that can't be discarded. I'm not sure at all, why I've re-started this blog.
I'm not about to delete it. I'm not even about to finish up with it. I like having a blog. I like writing my blog and I like that a couple of people read it. And even make comments on it. What I'm not sure of, is why I need to put any of this out into the open.
I could just buy a journal and do that. It would virtually achieve the same objective; the need to write. As I've said before, I've tried to quit writing and have found it too hard to do. Yet, every day, I struggle for things to come up with; for things to write. This re-started blog is akin to a band you used to like who have gotten back together: I like you old stuff better than your new stuff.
This blog used to be good once. In my very humble opinion, it used to be very good. And it used to be easy. It got harder as the days went on but, I remember racing to one hundred posts and barely breaking a sweat. I write this blog at work, mostly, and I used to write two, sometimes three posts in a day and archive them, so I'd have something to post every day. Now, I sometimes panic when I think it's time to blog. Yes, I know I could just blog whenever I felt like it but, a blog is really a conversation, isn't it? And a one-sided conversation gets stale after a while. A blog needs life to grow. It needs updates for people to stay interested. You need to write to improve.
But does it all really matter? Would it matter if I got no more followers? Would it matter if I suddenly gained a hundred? No. Because all that matters is what I want out of it. And, the thing I think I want out of it most, is the push to keep writing.
And maybe, in the end, that's all we need our blogs for. To be forced to keep going. To have a reason improve.
To have a reason to not give up.
7 comments:
you seem self-critical. you don't need to be like that.
keep writing. we love you!
Careful there, Hem. You're on the threshold of turning your blog into a goddamn job. I'm sure you (like myself) have had plenty of goddamn jobs in your life. Do you know what's on Bukowski gravestone? "Don't try." It's good advice. Just let it flow and it will.
Wrong, Kid. He does need to be like that.
I know what you're saying. I don't know why I write mine most of the time, except that I enjoy it and I kind of like the interaction with everyone. I write nonsense. It's deliberate. If I want to write something deep I will do it, but I just like to write. Don't sweat it, just do it. I'm glad you're back!
I have so many blogs, I can't keep them all straight.
You are never allowed to stop blogging again! Just take the pressure off of yourself. Sure it's a conversation, but who talks to their friends every day? Relax and post when and what you feel like posting. For what it's worth, I love your blog. It's refreshing.
Thanks everyone. I don't intend to stop again, or delete again. I think I just need to stop whining and get on with it.
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