Engaging in rumour and innuendo

It's interesting the things you hear when you're working. One of the physio's I work with was treating a new patient yesterday and they got to talking.

He works in the prison system and, just recently, the head of one of our prisons went missing. He took himself off for a bush walk and never came back. At the time of this writing, he is presumed dead. He didn't take much with him, but he was an experienced bushwalker (aren't they all?) and was expected to be found.

Here's the thing though; the new patient knew this guy and he - and most of the people he works with, it seems - believes he's done a runner. Because he took so little with him, yet the track he got lost on was a place he grew up in. He had no mobile phone or GPS, so he can't be tracked down. He didn't take a car. And, most important, HE GETS LOST IN A PLACE HE GREW UP IN.

That's like getting lost on the way from your bedroom to your bathroom. If your bedroom and bathroom were 300 hectares of bushland.

Now, I don't know how true any of this is but, it's interesting what you hear when you're at work.

Why I like blogs

I've written about this before, on the deleted blog. This isn't a re post so much as just something I've written before. I've mentioned in another post that I repeat myself all the time. Here is an example.

I used to be a voracious reader. These days, not so much. The main things I read these days are the paper and blogs. And that's pretty much it. I'm not particularly proud of this fact but, there it is. I've given up on the book.

Why? Well, for selfish reasons mostly. I feel inferior when I read a book. Anyone who knows me would say that I feel inferior most of the time and they'd be right but I really feel inferior when I read a book. And why is that? Well, because I'm a writer.

Or rather, because I'm not a writer. Not a published writer with a book. So the fuck what, you should be rightly saying. And I agree, on the surface. But, you see, I'm a needy kind of guy. I need constant approval. And when I say constant, I'm not exaggerating. Have you read anything I've written? Seriously, this whole blog is a beg for attention.

But isn't everyone's? Isn't that why we blog? Of course and anyone who says 'no' is lying. To themselves if not anyone else. Anything creative is a beg for attention. "Look at me! Look at what I can do!! Aren't I fabulous!!!???" But I love blogs. I love to read them. I love to write in mine. Because the attention is instant. And people will like you or not and you can generally find out pretty soon. But also, I love blogs because they're so simple.

It's hard to be authentically pretentious on a blog. Well, not hard exactly, but it really shows. But writing a book, or an article or something like that for publication? Oh yeah, that's easy to get all 'writerly.' It does make me laugh to read a newspaper article that will start something like, 'I watched the light catching the rain dripping from the trees, like angel tears in summer.' This isn't a direct quote but I've read many pieces like this. And the story might be about a lost child, or even a murder but you won't find that out until the final paragraph. Because the reporter is too lost in 'oh mummy, look how PRETTY I'm writing!'

This is harder to do on a blog. It's more conversational. I've always preferred writing that was simple. Even to the point of moronic. Bukowski was and is still one of my favourite writers. Because he doesn't bullshit around. He doesn't spend page after page of useless description before he gets to the 'hello.' He's at the 'hello' from page one.

Hemingway was another. "I went to the river. The river was there." Simple. No crap. He went to the fucking river. Is it so hard?

That's what I want to do. With this blog. I want it to be like we're having a conversation. Sure, it's like a one-way conversation with the most boring drunk on earth but still, it's a conversation. And it's my only chance. My chance to be published. Because it isn't going to happen any other way, that's obvious.

Please read

I never, ever do this but one of my favourite bloggers - The Unbearable Banishment - has just completed an amazing book that you should, at least, read about.

Go here: http://theunbearablebanishment.blogspot.com/2011/05/book-i-just-published-for-bruce.html

It's a great read and a real find.

Short update for the drunk Memorial Day readers.

And, of course, anyone who might be interested.

30 weeks this Friday, 11 weeks to go. Getting excited. Lady Hem doing very well but getting tired much more easily; a fact she has only acknowledged now.

That is all.

Happy Memorial Day to all those it applies to. Otherwise, fuck you Monday.

What's left is the crossing guard of truth

I've just gotten rid of the short description of this blog, because I've come to realise that it's a load of shit. I'm not actually sure what thoughts I've had, or am having, that can't be discarded. I'm not sure at all, why I've re-started this blog.

I'm not about to delete it. I'm not even about to finish up with it. I like having a blog. I like writing my blog and I like that a couple of people read it. And even make comments on it. What I'm not sure of, is why I need to put any of this out into the open.

I could just buy a journal and do that. It would virtually achieve the same objective; the need to write. As I've said before, I've tried to quit writing and have found it too hard to do. Yet, every day, I struggle for things to come up with; for things to write. This re-started blog is akin to a band you used to like who have gotten back together: I like you old stuff better than your new stuff.

This blog used to be good once. In my very humble opinion, it used to be very good. And it used to be easy. It got harder as the days went on but, I remember racing to one hundred posts and barely breaking a sweat. I write this blog at work, mostly, and I used to write two, sometimes three posts in a day and archive them, so I'd have something to post every day. Now, I sometimes panic when I think it's time to blog. Yes, I know I could just blog whenever I felt like it but, a blog is really a conversation, isn't it? And a one-sided conversation gets stale after a while. A blog needs life to grow. It needs updates for people to stay interested. You need to write to improve.

But does it all really matter? Would it matter if I got no more followers? Would it matter if I suddenly gained a hundred? No. Because all that matters is what I want out of it. And, the thing I think I want out of it most, is the push to keep writing.

And maybe, in the end, that's all we need our blogs for. To be forced to keep going. To have a reason improve.

To have a reason to not give up.

Hello world - it's me!!!!!

We have a program called 'Insight,' which is a Q&A type program that members of the public can go on and debate certain pertinent issues. It's on every Tuesday night and is hosted by the delightful Jenny Brocky. This Tuesday's program is, 'Are we breeding a generation of narcissists?'

Ummmm, what? Is there any debate on this? Human beings are narcissists. It's just much easier to be a narcissist in front of a bigger audience now. Hell, if they'd had Twitter, You tube etc when I was in high school, you bet your life I'd have been all over it. So would 90% of the people I went to school with. This generation is no more or less narcissistic than mine, it's just much easier to reach a wider audience.

I mean, this question is being asked by Jenny Brocky, who hosts a television program devoted to this single question. How narcissistic is that? Of course, they'll have school kids and others on proclaiming that they're not self-obsessed knobs, while being self-obsessed knobs. I mean, for God's sake, does anyone realise what narcissism means now? It's practically a non-existant term. EVERYONE IS IN LOVE WITH THEMSELVES, IT'S HOW WE SURVIVE.

And personally, I think it's great. I love the fact that it's easier to reach a wide audience. I love the fact that the Internet is full to the brim of some of the most inane shit you could ever come up with, because it means that, when you truly find something great, you still feel like you're part of an underground movement. You can still feel like you're part of something special, even if that thing suddenly takes off. It's kind of nice to have to sift through so much shit to get to the diamonds. But it's also great that people like me have an opportunity to put our thoughts out there and see what happens. I've always been an advocate of one in-all in. Why should it be only the privileged few who get heard? Why NOT everyone?

Of course, not everyone does get to be heard. For all the millions of people doing blogs, music, films, art etc; there are millions more who still don't have access to computers, phones etc. Hell, there are millions more who don't have access to electricity, water, food and shelter; let alone privileged things like computers. It's very much a rich country's concept, this 'are we breeding a generation of narcissists?'

Dare I say, it's very much a narcissistic country's question?