Listen here grandpa

It's a long list but the thing that's pissing me off at the moment is people constantly referring to 4am in the morning.

It's either 4 o'clock in the morning or 4am. THERE IS NO 4AM IN THE MORNING. AM MEANS THE MORNING. ADDING MORNING TO THIS STATEMENT IS REDUNDANT. AND SO ARE YOU!!

Get off my lawn, etc.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye

Masturbation is something you hardly ever think about anymore, isn't it?

I mean, no one really bats an eye these days. I remember when I was in high school, and I hadn't even taken it up, masturbation was still really frowned upon. Anyone who admitted to it (and believe me, I don't remember anyone EVER admitting to it) was a poof. Yes, you were a homosexual if you masturbated because you were touching a penis. Granted, it was your penis, but still. If you were touching a penis - even your own - that meant that you liked it. And if you liked to touch one penis, then you obviously liked to touch others. And that, ipso facto, meant you were a poof. You weren't gay back then either. That came much later. Oh and, obviously, women NEVER masturbated. How could they? They don't have penises.

Nowadays, it would seem odd if you DIDN'T confess to masturbating. At least a little. I certainly think it's a bit odd, especially for a bloke. To not masturbate is to deny oneself one of the true pleasures of life. The simple things. And, let's face it, it's so easy for us blokes. The whole thing can be over in five minutes. Not for me though.

Five minutes is a marathon.

Hello world - it's me!!!!!

We have a program called 'Insight,' which is a Q&A type program that members of the public can go on and debate certain pertinent issues. It's on every Tuesday night and is hosted by the delightful Jenny Brocky. This Tuesday's program is, 'Are we breeding a generation of narcissists?'

Ummmm, what? Is there any debate on this? Human beings are narcissists. It's just much easier to be a narcissist in front of a bigger audience now. Hell, if they'd had Twitter, You tube etc when I was in high school, you bet your life I'd have been all over it. So would 90% of the people I went to school with. This generation is no more or less narcissistic than mine, it's just much easier to reach a wider audience.

I mean, this question is being asked by Jenny Brocky, who hosts a television program devoted to this single question. How narcissistic is that? Of course, they'll have school kids and others on proclaiming that they're not self-obsessed knobs, while being self-obsessed knobs. I mean, for God's sake, does anyone realise what narcissism means now? It's practically a non-existant term. EVERYONE IS IN LOVE WITH THEMSELVES, IT'S HOW WE SURVIVE.

And personally, I think it's great. I love the fact that it's easier to reach a wide audience. I love the fact that the Internet is full to the brim of some of the most inane shit you could ever come up with, because it means that, when you truly find something great, you still feel like you're part of an underground movement. You can still feel like you're part of something special, even if that thing suddenly takes off. It's kind of nice to have to sift through so much shit to get to the diamonds. But it's also great that people like me have an opportunity to put our thoughts out there and see what happens. I've always been an advocate of one in-all in. Why should it be only the privileged few who get heard? Why NOT everyone?

Of course, not everyone does get to be heard. For all the millions of people doing blogs, music, films, art etc; there are millions more who still don't have access to computers, phones etc. Hell, there are millions more who don't have access to electricity, water, food and shelter; let alone privileged things like computers. It's very much a rich country's concept, this 'are we breeding a generation of narcissists?'

Dare I say, it's very much a narcissistic country's question?